Some of you may be asking why have I been missing my weekly (or fortnightly when I am not in the mood or monthly if my Boss finds out that the reason I appear so busy on my laptop has something to do with blogspot) blog. If you have not asked so far, then please do. That is well within your rights as dutiful employees surfing on office time. Things have come to a point where one of my friends, Neeli has been sending me mail reminders every 3 days to make me update my blog.
Her last mail had these verbatim lines "If you do not update your blog in next couple of days, I am gonna make sure I visit you and make you watch tele replays of Akash Chopra bat…he he… in slow motion ...Buuu.. wuuu HahAHAHAHAHA”. Countless readers (i.e. 3) bombarded me incessantly, requesting me to write something if not at least a laundry list so that they could find something to read. But that for some unfortunate reasons could not be accomplished.
Ok, the fact is that I am not really a regular kind of guy. Mind you I am a regular guy, which is slightly different than being a regular kind of guy. Regular guys are the last ones to be picked when drawing cricket teams, they watch their dream beauties being swept away by cricket captains in college, they go Wooooow on every 4th girl that passes by them, their credit cards out perform their stock portfolios, when they start singing at a party the host goes, “Women and Children inside…quick” and so on. So I am pretty much a regular guy but have great problems keeping up with routine.
Routine and me never really agreed much. For one, keeping up with routine is like being Hitler’s mistress. You have to have strict discipline and really love it. I am sure that Eva Braun would have made a great humour columnist. But then she was German. Germans are God’s way of making fun condoms. They just won’t allow any humour to pass through them. Well so one never knows. For if I really had some discipline , I would have made a great Army officer where I could command parades every morning at 5 AM, shouting something absolutely unintelligible at the top of my voice , ( “PaaaaRRRAADDE, teeeeen kona teeen Aaaaaaddaaa..badega..Yeeeee... OOOoooo Badh”) …and then you blame the Airforce for crashing Mig 21s. Wouldn’t you do the same?
The second thing is this concept called Writer’s block. This is not just another fancy term to describe an author who is also a laxative model. A writer’s block is a debilitating condition. (NOTE: Ashwin Singh, if you are reading this, I repeat that Debilitating has nothing to do with titillating) Sometimes a writer can just sit by the desk the whole day and basically do nothing…..absolutely nothing...zilch…null….kosong. No one knows why this happens. Or if they did, they certainly forgot to write about it.
This block, indeed causes great irritation, especially to a few of my friends. But then, that’s just the way a writer’s block is. A constipation of ideas. As a writer, you have to have an idea to write about or at least a good internet connection to copy and paste complete passages from websites. Indeed there have been works where there has been no idea but just a lot many words. My examination papers for instance, but then, that is precisely the reason why I don’t gel my hair and move around in a Porsche. A car which is as great to drive as difficult it is to agree upon its pronunciation.
So for the past month, there was a confluence of these internecine phenomena which resulted in the prolonged absence of my blog. I am trying my best to get out of this situation but hey if it was as easy to get a thing by merely wanting to, then by now I should have been as excited as a 70 year virgin at the annual nymphomaniac seminar. But I am trying and I tell you, once that seminar gets underway, I will revert to my usual frequency.
Hilarious! The last two paragraphs especially are absolute gems. And I almost spilled coffee on my study table on reading that writer's block is essentially a "constipation of ideas."
ReplyDeletePS: You have perhaps found yourself a regular reader (for your English posts, that is, because my Hindi is partial and Urdu non-existent) but that I can tell you might be a pain because I have the knack of leaving yawn-worthy comments and longer ps-es. Like this. :D