10 commandments between men

My train trips to office are leaving me with some spare time and that results in you suffering with my frequent blogs.

Having said that, I received a lot of queries on the commandment I mentioned in the previous write up; ok not a lot; a few; ok just 3. However, I have listed down below the top 10 unmentioned commandments or rules followed between guys.

10. The Blush Crush Commandment

You do not demean or insult a guy in front of his crush or the lady who makes him blush. You rather praise him, improve his chances even though you know he doesn't stand a chance.
You are not ruled by this commandment if you yourself like the chick and are in the game!!!

9. The Sport Talk Continuum Commandment

A dude will never walk away from a sport talk. If its sport, you have to be there. If you have the knowledge, contribute, else learn. The only exception to this is when a bro has a date and needs to rush. After all, sports does have repeat telecast.
Bylaw to this is; a guy will always confirm with all others included in the discussion before revealing the final score of previous night's match. 24 hours time is universally given to coverup for missed matches.

8. Traffic signal commandment

While waiting at the signal, a guy will get his car hood as close to the front car's bumper as possible. He will also start honking instanteneously the moment signal turns green.
You think this is nuisance?? Random?? Ignorant??
It is not. It is for the greater good. It is for that person sitting 10 cars behind who will not make it past the signal otherwise. We believe in helping all men all the time.

7. The Car Etiquette Commandment

If three guys are sharing the backseat of a car, none of the guys are allowed to spread their arms behind the other guys to increase space. If you are driving some other guy's car, do not change the preset rear view mirrors, seat, radio stations. This rule can be relaxed if the difference of weight between two drivers is 43 kgs or more.

6. The Pinky Promise Commandment

Remember those childhood pinky promises? You did not break it under any circumstances. The exact same strong bond applies here.
A guy does not screw up other guy by telling his secrets to parents, siblings or wife.
No smoking habits, drinking habits, extra marital affairs can be reveals to blood or marriage relations.
If you have a conflict to settle with the guy; do it like a man; by sticking weird notes on his office desk. But no involving family.

5. Bros before... err... ahem... women

Founded by Michael Scott and made famous by the legen...wait for it... dary Barney Stinson; this rule does not need any explanation.
You will choose a bro over the lady, no matter how hot, when a bro is in need.
For dogs it is Owner before Boner; For men it is Bros before Hoes.

4. One Urinal Gap Commandment

If you subscribe to my blog (which I doubt), you would have come across this commandment earlier.
One does not simply checkmate another guy in the urinal. You leave a gap of one between two occupied comfort stations; always!
Corollary to that is No eye contact. To make it easier to remember, the golden rule is; Zipper down, eyes down.

3. Die before you cry

Tears?? Who me??? You must be joking. Men do not cry; they may precipitate from eyes or sweat from retina. But they simply do not cry.
The exceptions are when your club loses the cup or when your team wins a cup after almost a decade (relevant only for Arsenal fans!!) or when a sports legend retires or when Goku dies! You gotta cry when Goku dies.

2. The Birthday Wish Commandment

A guy is not required to remember other guy's birthday (or anybody's birthday for that matter). A guy may however wish the other friend on facebook or any other social media if he comes to get knowledge of the birthday. A phonecall may be made to wish birthday; but discussion on or surrounding birthday should not last for more than 30 seconds.
Sample Conversation:
"Dude, Happy bday"
"Thanks mate"
"What plans?"
"Nothing major"
"Cool. Did you see the 'Loser-pool messing up again match' yesterday?"

1. Do not show! Do not tell!

Under no circumstances, including but not limited to apocalypse, is it appropriate for a guy to talk about his or any other guy's; well; undercarriage. You do not describe, do not compare,  do not talk, do not peep, do not mention. This includes discussing the innerwear brands you use. If you accidentally brush past another guy's 'joystick' while walking; you continue walking without turning back or apologizing.
You can, however, use the reference to drive home point which is in terms of metaphor like "balls to you", "have some balls", "don't think from your little brain".

What angers the guys!!

It seems like the season of numbering and listing down various items and I wish to give my contributions to the cause.

So, here are 8 sure ways of pissing off a guy. TRY ANY OF THE BELOW AT YOUR OWN RISK.

1. Standing between a man and the sport getting telecasted on the T.V.

Ever happened to you that your favourite team is dribbling the ball towards their goal post when your mom appears between you and the T.V. discussing the evening menu while you can hear the excitement in the commentary converting to pure adrenaline when your team scores and you miss the goal? Surely angers you, doesn't it?

2. Getting fashion comment from another dude

I don't care if my shirt is too wrinkled or my tshirt doesn't match my pants. You are lucky enough that I am actually wearing pants. Do not comment on my fashion style, or hair style. Only acceptable comment is a compliment on my watch or shoes if I am wearing any. NO! COMPLIMENT ONLY UNDIES ARE NOT APPROPRIATE!

3. Check-mate at the men's room

You enter the washroom to find that there are 3 urinals. And some jerk is peeing in the middle urinal!!!

Such blasphemy! Utter social disregard!
One simply does not break the One Urinal Gap Commandment.

4. Waiting outside/inside an all women shopping store

We are not your free porters to accompany you to those random women stores where you shop till you drop and we spend our precious time trying to avoiding head on collisions,  shoulder brushes, elbows cuts, knee kicks, rabbit punches and random stunts.

If you have the strength to roam around the store for 2 hours; you definitely have the strength to carry the bags home.

5. Women saying "It's just a game"

Is your favorite Steve Madden just shoes?
Is Hugh Grant's romantic scene is Nottinghill just another scene?

When we don't comment on your choices (nor do we care), we expect similar mutual understanding when our team is losing.
We don't need your consolations nor your pep talks.

Just let it be!!

6. Social events (without food)

Admit it! Men go to social events for food.  And booze. And food. And hot chicks. And did I mention food?

So, when a guy is invited to an social gathering where there is no food; there is nothing to do there.

It is inhuman to plan a social gathering with no food. Have mercy.

7. The "Guys have it easy" talks

No we do not have it easy at all. We can't talk our way into getting assistance from colleagues, we can't wear pretty dress on appraisal day to get the deserved rating; And we definitely can't have deep necks working in our favour.

It's no longer a guy's world. Admit it!!

8. The drink table bargers

It is my drink. I have ordered the drink. Unless I officially invite you and give you the elite privilege of sharing seat with me, do not come near.

A guy with his drink is having a personal moment. You have no right to invade that delicate relationship. Respect the pure romance!

Ru Ba Ru

Yun samundar kinare tehelte hue,
Ek din zindagi rubaru ho gayi mujhse,
Kucch shuruaati taoruf ke baad maine kaha,
Tum kucch jaani pehchaani si lagti ho,
Kisi gali nukkad pe, chai ki dukaan par,
Kisi rail ke saamne wale platform par,
Kahi raashan ki bheed me, koi bus ki qataar me,
Kisi mandir me maatha teke, kisi maikhane ke bahaar girte padte,
Kahi to tumse mulaqat hui hai,
Dhundhli hi sahi, par woh yaad ab bhi zehen me hai,
Thik se yaad nahi ke tab tum kaisi thi,
Shayad musqurat se khilkhilaati, shayad nazaqat se balkhaati,
Thodi naazuk kucch sharmaati, kucch adaon me ithlaati,
Ya phir thodi si udaas thi tum,
Ek adhuri si kahani ki tarah, jo khatm hone se pehle hi khatm ho gayi,
Kya woh maayusi thi tumhare chehre par, Ya bas ladne ki thakaan,
Shayad hausla hi hoga, phir se jeet ke dikhane ka,
Jaane kyun yaad nahi aa raha, tumhe yaad ho to batao,
Aur zindagi ne muskuraake kaha, main to har woh jagah hu jaha tum ho,
Par tumhe zindagi jeene ki fursat hi kaha!

Foolish Choice

They all tell me, rather convince me, that my princess will come and kiss me; that everything will be wonderful; that I will turn into prince charming; that I will no longer be the frog that I am.

They see the pain on my face, the confusion, the disbelief; and they try to reiterate, make me believe.
And I transfer the same confusion, the same disbelief on their face, when I ask
Why can't I just be the frog that I am?

They pity me, argue, even mock at my foolish choice. A very few are curious enough to question me, ponder, ask for the reason.

It is just my choice, I say. Why does one have to be prince charming to live happily ever after? Why should one wait for the princess to come and redeem your life? Are you saying that frogs don't live happily ever after? Then what is that sound we here during monsoons?

I don't allow them time to answer; because I know they don't have any.

Are you truly meant to be happy with the princess whose condition to love you is for you to change into something else? And if you don't transform to the prince of her dream, she will leave you like the previous dozens and move to the next frog. Is that your definition of true love?

I thought true love was meant to be besides you, within you, when you are at the worst of your life. So how is it true love if it can be with you only after you have turned to prince charming?

I would rather be a frog and find true love than join the pretentious world where one has to be prince charming to get love.

They are still silent, listening to me; the jaws are still a bit dropped. I am still waiting for my answers. Do you have the answers??

No more Rahul Dravids, Please

Most of my generation people are looking for reasons to rejuvenate their interest in the religion called Cricket. I am calling it my generation of people because we are the Sachin Tendulkar generation, the Dada generation, the Rahul Dravid generation. Those name were put in that order for a reason, cuz that's how the order has always been.

I want to urge all the cricket fans one thing, let's not have any more Rahul Dravids. You would think I am not a big Dravid fan, but trust me; I am.

So why such a weird request, you ask? Here's why.

It was 1996, at Lord's; match best remembered for Sourav Ganguly’s century on debut and Dravid’s decision to ‘walk’ after he got the faintest of touches to a Chris Lewis delivery at a score of 95. Batting at number seven, just ahead of Anil Kumble, Dravid thus exhibited in his first match the qualities that would be reinforced through a 16-year career. Grace under pressure, moral certainty and the ability to raise his game when the going got tough. But, it was still the match in which Sourav Ganguly made his debut.

When Rahul Dravid made 180 in a Test match, he was upstaged by a man who made 281 (VVS Laxman). It was remembered as the match which established Laxman as the backbone of Indian middle order. Rahul Dravid, he just supported the maestro.

When he made his then highest score of 145 in a one-day international, Sourav Ganguly made 183 in the same innings. It was but obvious that the highest score ever made by any Indian player would overshadow the supporting character's century.

When Dravid gave it one more go and topped that by making 153 against New Zealand, Tendulkar scored 186. And when the God scores the highest in Indian history, the tributes would naturally go to him.

So, Dravid tried again. While he was going through an England tour as the only Indian batsman who mattered, the focus was not so much on Dravid’s three centuries as on the non-century from Tendulkar.

He has been one of the most successful captains in test for India, but is remembered for that one decision of calling back Sachin in before his double ton.

He kept wickets for India in the dry period between Mongia and Dhoni, but he is remembered as stop gap arrangement to squeeze a 7th batsman.

He has had maximum catches in slip but will never be compared to the likes of Raina, Yuvraj or even Mohammad Kaif for that matter on the field.

And now when I witnessed yesterday's match; where the world appreciated Virat Kohli; I just thought, not again.

Virat was magical, awesome, brilliant, stunning. But there was a Shikhar Dhawan and Rohit Sharma who were marvellous too. Let's not forget them. Let's not leave them behind.

Let's not treat them like Dravid.

No more Dravids, please.

Waseem Barelvi - mitti ke gharonde...

ज़हन में पानी के बादल अगर आये होते 

मैंने मिटटी के घरोंदे ना बनाये होते 

धूप के एक ही मौसम ने जिन्हें तोड़ दिया 

इतने नाज़ुक भी ये रिश्ते न बनाये होते 

डूबते शहर मैं मिटटी का मकान गिरता ही 

तुम ये सब सोच के मेरी तरफ आये होते 

धूप के शहर में इक उम्र ना जलना पड़ता 

हम भी ए काश किसी पेड के साये होते 

फल पडोसी के दरख्तों पे ना पकते तो वसीम 

मेरे आँगन में ये पत्थर भी ना आये होते 

Raahat Indori: Meaningful composition

हर एक चेहरे को ज़ख़्मों का आईना न कहो|
ये ज़िन्दगी तो है रहमत इसे सज़ा न कहो|

न जाने कौन सी मज़बूरीओं का क़ैदी हो,
वो साथ छोड़ गया है तो बेवफ़ा न कहो|

तमाम शहर ने नेज़ों पे क्यूँ उछाला मुझे,
ये इत्तेफ़ाक़ था तुम इस को हादसा न कहो|

ये और बात कि दुश्मन हुआ है आज मगर,
वो मेरा दोस्त था कल तक उसे बुरा न कहो|

हमारे ऐब हमें उँगलियों पे गिनवाओ,
हमारी पीठ के पीछे हमें बुरा न कहो|

मैं वक़ियात की ज़न्जीर का नहीं क़ायल,
मुझे भी अपने गुनाहों का सिलसिला न कहो|

ये शहर वो है जहाँ राक्षस भी है "राहत",
हर एक तराशे हुये बुत को देवता न कहो|