My work place is a very wonderful place. I say so not out of sarcasm or out of awe, but out of sheer skill of observation which I have developed over a period of time. It is a place with great diversity in people’s lifestyle. If you ask me what the essence of one’s Lifestyle is, I would say that it is Fashion but I am sure of course that you won't ask me and I won't tell you, so you can keep guessing what my answer would be.
Frankly, just like my answer, the origins of fashion too are clad in mystery. However, rumour has it someone with an extremely well developed sense of finesse and polish developed the concept of fashion. By this definition, we can safely rule out the fact that any man could have started fashion. I can safely conclude this because Fashion, as man knows, is basically confined to 3 pairs of shoes, 5 shirts, 3 trousers and 5 underwear (10 if you count them inside out and 20 if you count them upside down). Fashion, as women know it is also 3 pairs of shoes, 5 shirts, 3 trousers and 5 underwear but that is only on Mondays. Hence it is safe to conclude that women have had a big hand in advancing the cause of fashion.
Historians say it is difficult to say with any certainty what event exactly started off fashion. Fortunately, since I am making up facts, I can state with certainty that Fashion started when a group of enormously snobby Indian women gathered around and fought over a random shade of red unable to decide whether it is rouge or vermillion. Historians too accept this theory of course provided to threaten them to death if they don’t accept it.
However, getting back to why my office space is unique, I find it fascinating to see how every person has an unique fashion acumen and even more flabbergasted to realize that each one of them thinks they are the Einstein of Fashion World. Not only because of their knowledge of fashion, but their experimentation too, they truly need to be humoured, err, applauded.
People challenge me to count the number of misfields that Ashish Nehra does during play. I understand the difficulty of that task, however, something which I have found more challenging than that is to count the colours on some of the dresses which the fashion icons of my work place flaunt. My school teachers would have never known that so many colours do exist in the world, or they forgot to teach me the same. There are times when I keep my Ray Bans on in the office just to avoid the brightness that I am exposed to in presence of certain tops in the office. Normally in every species, with the exception of Tamil film heros, the specie has to look attractive to attract the opposite half of the specie for mating purposes. If this holds true, I have serious doubts about these fashion stars having any future in reproduction. Frankly, I see very few uses for most of their wardrobes than as virginity charms or chastity belt.
One liberty which females in the corporate world have is they can define anything as formals. Whether it is a frill laced frock or yellow coloured bell bottom, it’s all office wear. Due to this unclear definition of female formals, we have been victims of viewing polka dots, denim patches, hanging ribbons, velvet shoes, shocking striking shining and all other varieties of pinks, greens, yellows, reds, fluorescents and a lot more. The plight of a viewer is only understood by another viewer.
From the very few people who are free enough to read my blog, if any of you have any experience in disaster management, please send in your resume to me immediately. Most of the guys in my branch face disaster day in and day out. They are all ‘Khatron ke Khiladi’. These Fashion disasters, sorry, divas can use some help from your advice, and all of their colleagues can definitely use the help too. Please contribute for this noble cause.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Tips this Valentine!!!
I am no connoisseur of this field, but from what I know, I thought it to be my moral obligation to disseminate this information to all my fellow male specie of human kind. I hope this helps you get over the over hyped day of expression of love which is about to come.That dreaded day all men fear to forget–Valentines Day–is just around the corner. It’s a day that can make you or break you, fellas, so now’s the time to give it some thought. Here are some rules to remember:
-> The most basic rule, if for no one’s sake but you own: Remember your sweetheart on Valentines Day. February 14. It doesn’t matter how old she is, or how long you’ve been married, or dating, or whatever. If you forget her on this high holy day of love, you’ll spend the next 364 days regretting it. In either subtle or unsubtle ways, she ain’t gonna forget you forgot. So next time your tea has salt instead of sugar, your clothes burn while being ironed or you get stood up on a date, you are to blame if you forget this day.
-> 00:05 is not same as 00:00. Trust me on this one, these 5 minutes will cost you more than any other 5 minutes in your life. It doesn't matter if your network's jammed, if you are being chased by a man-eating tiger or you are saving the world from intergalactic attack. If your call or you dont reach at midnight, you have dug your own grave.
-> If she tells you she doesn’t want flowers, or candy, or a greeting card to mark the day, I can guarantee you she’s lying through her teeth. Don’t be fooled for a second. She’s just testing you to see what you’ll do. You have two choices–do you want to be happy, or do you want to be miserable? It’s up to you.
-> This is the trickiest rule, because the slightest error can cause undue suffering (yours). What does she really want for Valentine’s Day? You can’t just ask her–this is strictly against the rules. This is where your mind-reading skills come in handy. If you’ve not already developed at least some rudimentary extrasensory powers (ESP) in your relationship, you’re probably already screwed anyway–and I don’t mean in a good way. P.S: Playstation is not a good valentines gift for her
-> It is a cardinal sin to mention what you did with your ex-girlfriend last Valentine's day, no matter how boring it was last year. This is the only Valentines you remember unless the last one was with her only.
I guess these should help you for good. If you have some more to share, your comments are always welcome. Girls are welcome to testify on these observations/learning...
Wish you all a Happy Valentines Day!!!
-> The most basic rule, if for no one’s sake but you own: Remember your sweetheart on Valentines Day. February 14. It doesn’t matter how old she is, or how long you’ve been married, or dating, or whatever. If you forget her on this high holy day of love, you’ll spend the next 364 days regretting it. In either subtle or unsubtle ways, she ain’t gonna forget you forgot. So next time your tea has salt instead of sugar, your clothes burn while being ironed or you get stood up on a date, you are to blame if you forget this day.
-> 00:05 is not same as 00:00. Trust me on this one, these 5 minutes will cost you more than any other 5 minutes in your life. It doesn't matter if your network's jammed, if you are being chased by a man-eating tiger or you are saving the world from intergalactic attack. If your call or you dont reach at midnight, you have dug your own grave.
-> If she tells you she doesn’t want flowers, or candy, or a greeting card to mark the day, I can guarantee you she’s lying through her teeth. Don’t be fooled for a second. She’s just testing you to see what you’ll do. You have two choices–do you want to be happy, or do you want to be miserable? It’s up to you.
-> This is the trickiest rule, because the slightest error can cause undue suffering (yours). What does she really want for Valentine’s Day? You can’t just ask her–this is strictly against the rules. This is where your mind-reading skills come in handy. If you’ve not already developed at least some rudimentary extrasensory powers (ESP) in your relationship, you’re probably already screwed anyway–and I don’t mean in a good way. P.S: Playstation is not a good valentines gift for her
-> It is a cardinal sin to mention what you did with your ex-girlfriend last Valentine's day, no matter how boring it was last year. This is the only Valentines you remember unless the last one was with her only.
I guess these should help you for good. If you have some more to share, your comments are always welcome. Girls are welcome to testify on these observations/learning...
Wish you all a Happy Valentines Day!!!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Ode to the Nice Guys
[This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal]
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever
orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for
that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went
anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical,
manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most
frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going
to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever
orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for
that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went
anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical,
manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most
frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going
to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
Monday, December 6, 2010
A day in hostel: Chapter 1 - The Steps for completing assignment
1. Sit in your straight, comfortable chair and study table in a well-lighted place with plenty of sharpened pencils and pen.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the pantry and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to the pantry and buy a packet of Chips to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, borrow his assignment. If he does not lend, drop him.
5. When you get back to your room, Sit in your straight, comfortable chair and study table in a well-lighted place with plenty of sharpened pencils and pen.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. You know, you haven't called your school friend since past 3 years. You'd better call him now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to your favorite song on your laptop and that's it-- I mean it! As soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
10. Listen to the your other favorite song.
11. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.
12. Sit in your straight, comfortable chair and study table in a well-lighted place with plenty of sharpened pencils and pen
13. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savour its special flavour.
14. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from soccer match to golf season to every Zee or Sony soap is truly worthwhile.
15. Phone your friend in the girl's hostel to see if she was watching. Discuss the finer points of the sport/plot.
16. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
17. Go to the Counter-strike server just to check how many players are in- YOU WILL JUST CHECK AND EXIT.
18. Enter the counter strike game for just 1 game.
19. You will shut the game when your killings reach 50.
20. As soon as the 50th game is over, that's it. Next on agenda is the assignment.
21. Sit in your straight, comfortable chair and study table in a well-lighted place with plenty of sharpened pencils and pen.
22. Read over the assignment again to revise what you need to do.
23. Walk to the balcony just to get some fresh air and thought process.
24. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
25. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
26. Sit in your straight, comfortable chair and study table in a well-lighted place with plenty of sharpened pencils and pen.
27. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
28. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
29. Lie face down on the bed and scream at the top of your lungs.
30. Google up the details of your assignment.
31. Copy the 1st three pages of Wikipedia and 1st page of top 10 searches.
32. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to complete the assignment
P.S.: Inspired by true events :)
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the pantry and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to the pantry and buy a packet of Chips to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, borrow his assignment. If he does not lend, drop him.
5. When you get back to your room, Sit in your straight, comfortable chair and study table in a well-lighted place with plenty of sharpened pencils and pen.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. You know, you haven't called your school friend since past 3 years. You'd better call him now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to your favorite song on your laptop and that's it-- I mean it! As soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
10. Listen to the your other favorite song.
11. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.
12. Sit in your straight, comfortable chair and study table in a well-lighted place with plenty of sharpened pencils and pen
13. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savour its special flavour.
14. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from soccer match to golf season to every Zee or Sony soap is truly worthwhile.
15. Phone your friend in the girl's hostel to see if she was watching. Discuss the finer points of the sport/plot.
16. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
17. Go to the Counter-strike server just to check how many players are in- YOU WILL JUST CHECK AND EXIT.
18. Enter the counter strike game for just 1 game.
19. You will shut the game when your killings reach 50.
20. As soon as the 50th game is over, that's it. Next on agenda is the assignment.
21. Sit in your straight, comfortable chair and study table in a well-lighted place with plenty of sharpened pencils and pen.
22. Read over the assignment again to revise what you need to do.
23. Walk to the balcony just to get some fresh air and thought process.
24. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
25. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
26. Sit in your straight, comfortable chair and study table in a well-lighted place with plenty of sharpened pencils and pen.
27. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
28. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
29. Lie face down on the bed and scream at the top of your lungs.
30. Google up the details of your assignment.
31. Copy the 1st three pages of Wikipedia and 1st page of top 10 searches.
32. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to complete the assignment
P.S.: Inspired by true events :)
Friday, August 27, 2010
Few thoughts with a touch of Urdu...
Phir jharukhe se mujhe bulaata hai koi,
Phir aashiya-e-dil me nazar aata hai koi...
Hoti hai khuda-e-azeem ki bandagi,
Phir duaaon me maanga jaata hai koi...
Tasveer se bahaar to kabhi aata hi nahi,
Zehen me aake bas sataata hai koi...
Tai karke milo ka safar mushkil,
Kyun meri gali se laut jaata hai koi...
Pal do pal bhi nahi rehta Rubaru woh,
Aagosh-e-tasavvur me theher jaata hai koi...
Aata to hai koi wafa ki seher lekar,
Par shaam-e-ruswai me chhod jaata hai koi...
Yun to zamaane mein bahut mashhoor hai hum,
Pal me "Benaam" hume kar jaata hai koi...
Phir aashiya-e-dil me nazar aata hai koi...
Hoti hai khuda-e-azeem ki bandagi,
Phir duaaon me maanga jaata hai koi...
Tasveer se bahaar to kabhi aata hi nahi,
Zehen me aake bas sataata hai koi...
Tai karke milo ka safar mushkil,
Kyun meri gali se laut jaata hai koi...
Pal do pal bhi nahi rehta Rubaru woh,
Aagosh-e-tasavvur me theher jaata hai koi...
Aata to hai koi wafa ki seher lekar,
Par shaam-e-ruswai me chhod jaata hai koi...
Yun to zamaane mein bahut mashhoor hai hum,
Pal me "Benaam" hume kar jaata hai koi...
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Telemarketers Beware!!!
Has it ever happened to you that you are sitting with your boss discussing your career progression and your cellphone buzzes. You see an unknown number and think it will be important. You pick up the fone and the person on the other line goes "Namaskar sir, main Vo****ne se baat kar rahi hu. Aapke liye ek special scheme hai?"
Well, it has happened to me and thats when I decided, enough is enough. Personally I don't care for telemarketers, in fact I really don't care for them. They call at the most inopportune times - when you're eating, sleeping, relaxing, or just sitting around doing nothing (yeah even then it's annoying).
So all those people who have tried every possible thing including the National Do not Dusturb list and are still pissed of by the telemarketeers, here are some ideas which may help you a lot.
Idea # 1
Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. Maybe sing a song with all "No's" This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up. The Daler Mehendi Fame "Na na na na na re" might help here.
Idea # 2
If they are providing home loan, car loan, education loan or any other loan, ask them how much money will they give and whether you can keep it forever like you do with all your friends and family.
Idea # 3
Let the person on phone complete all the salespitch they have, post will tell her/him that the phone belongs to your friend and talk in a different voice saying "Yeah, tell me. you were saying." Keep doing that till the person is tired of making pitches.
Idea # 4
If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my girlfriend ran away with my dog, I've got loose motion and have gone to the loo 22 times, my pet rock just died..." When they try to get back to the sales process, just keep talking about your problems... if they persist - ask them why they don't care.
Idea # 5
If the person says he's XYZ from the ABC Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask for his address. Ask for landmarks. Continue asking questions about the company for as long as necessary. The Judaai fame Paresh Rawal should inspire you here.
Idea # 6
This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Jessica and I'm with HBFC Bank.... You: "Hang on a second." (few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"
Idea # 7
If the person is trying to sell you something you can use with you friends like a night calling plan or a holiday package, tell her, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?" If that doesn't work, say "Please."
Idea # 8
Tell them you work for the same company they work for.
For example: Telemarketer: "This is Swati from Air**l."
You: "Air**l, hey I work for them too! Which center are you calling from?"
Telemarketer: "Uh, Ringroad."
You: "Great, we should meet up for coffee some day"
Idea # 9
Let the person go through their speech, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger. You might even find your soulmate.
Idea # 10
Tell the telemarketer (this is my personal favorite) you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of telemarketers). If the sales person says, "Well, I don't really want to get a call at home," say, "Ya! Now you know how I feel." (smiling, of course...)
Well, it has happened to me and thats when I decided, enough is enough. Personally I don't care for telemarketers, in fact I really don't care for them. They call at the most inopportune times - when you're eating, sleeping, relaxing, or just sitting around doing nothing (yeah even then it's annoying).
So all those people who have tried every possible thing including the National Do not Dusturb list and are still pissed of by the telemarketeers, here are some ideas which may help you a lot.
Idea # 1
Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. Maybe sing a song with all "No's" This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up. The Daler Mehendi Fame "Na na na na na re" might help here.
Idea # 2
If they are providing home loan, car loan, education loan or any other loan, ask them how much money will they give and whether you can keep it forever like you do with all your friends and family.
Idea # 3
Let the person on phone complete all the salespitch they have, post will tell her/him that the phone belongs to your friend and talk in a different voice saying "Yeah, tell me. you were saying." Keep doing that till the person is tired of making pitches.
Idea # 4
If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my girlfriend ran away with my dog, I've got loose motion and have gone to the loo 22 times, my pet rock just died..." When they try to get back to the sales process, just keep talking about your problems... if they persist - ask them why they don't care.
Idea # 5
If the person says he's XYZ from the ABC Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask for his address. Ask for landmarks. Continue asking questions about the company for as long as necessary. The Judaai fame Paresh Rawal should inspire you here.
Idea # 6
This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Jessica and I'm with HBFC Bank.... You: "Hang on a second." (few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"
Idea # 7
If the person is trying to sell you something you can use with you friends like a night calling plan or a holiday package, tell her, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?" If that doesn't work, say "Please."
Idea # 8
Tell them you work for the same company they work for.
For example: Telemarketer: "This is Swati from Air**l."
You: "Air**l, hey I work for them too! Which center are you calling from?"
Telemarketer: "Uh, Ringroad."
You: "Great, we should meet up for coffee some day"
Idea # 9
Let the person go through their speech, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger. You might even find your soulmate.
Idea # 10
Tell the telemarketer (this is my personal favorite) you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of telemarketers). If the sales person says, "Well, I don't really want to get a call at home," say, "Ya! Now you know how I feel." (smiling, of course...)
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