Telemarketers Beware!!!

Has it ever happened to you that you are sitting with your boss discussing your career progression and your cellphone buzzes. You see an unknown number and think it will be important. You pick up the fone and the person on the other line goes "Namaskar sir, main Vo****ne se baat kar rahi hu. Aapke liye ek special scheme hai?"
Well, it has happened to me and thats when I decided, enough is enough. Personally I don't care for telemarketers, in fact I really don't care for them. They call at the most inopportune times - when you're eating, sleeping, relaxing, or just sitting around doing nothing (yeah even then it's annoying).
So all those people who have tried every possible thing including the National Do not Dusturb list and are still pissed of by the telemarketeers, here are some ideas which may help you a lot.

Idea # 1

Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. Maybe sing a song with all "No's" This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up. The Daler Mehendi Fame "Na na na na na re" might help here.

Idea # 2

If they are providing home loan, car loan, education loan or any other loan, ask them how much money will they give and whether you can keep it forever like you do with all your friends and family.

Idea # 3

Let the person on phone complete all the salespitch they have, post will tell her/him that the phone belongs to your friend and talk in a different voice saying "Yeah, tell me. you were saying." Keep doing that till the person is tired of making pitches.

Idea # 4

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my girlfriend ran away with my dog, I've got loose motion and have gone to the loo 22 times, my pet rock just died..." When they try to get back to the sales process, just keep talking about your problems... if they persist - ask them why they don't care.

Idea # 5

If the person says he's XYZ from the ABC Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask for his address. Ask for landmarks. Continue asking questions about the company for as long as necessary. The Judaai fame Paresh Rawal should inspire you here.

Idea # 6

This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Jessica and I'm with HBFC Bank.... You: "Hang on a second." (few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"

Idea # 7

If the person is trying to sell you something you can use with you friends like a night calling plan or a holiday package, tell her, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?" If that doesn't work, say "Please."

Idea # 8

Tell them you work for the same company they work for.
For example: Telemarketer: "This is Swati from Air**l."
You: "Air**l, hey I work for them too! Which center are you calling from?"
Telemarketer: "Uh, Ringroad."
You: "Great, we should meet up for coffee some day"

Idea # 9

Let the person go through their speech, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger. You might even find your soulmate.

Idea # 10

Tell the telemarketer (this is my personal favorite) you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of telemarketers). If the sales person says, "Well, I don't really want to get a call at home," say, "Ya! Now you know how I feel." (smiling, of course...)