Yeh Rishta kya kehlata hai!!!

uske kadmo ki aahat sunte hi nazre mud hi jaati hai,
aur tham jaati hai nazre us par kucch pal ke liye,
na to koi bita hua lamha yaad hota hai, na to koi aane wali ghadi,
bas ushi pal me maano zindagi ruk si jaati hai,
woh lehro pe chalti hui si guzar jaati hai,
aur main saahil ki tarah bas dekhta reh jaata hu,
na to chup reh paata hu, na kucch keh paata hu,
chah hai usse pucchne ki, kaise hai woh itni saksham,
ki palko ko jhuka ke maano samay ko rok leti hai,
aur kamar ko balkhake maano hawaa ko woh rukh deti hai,
aur phir hai woh kitni saral, aur saath hi kitni chanchal,
maano kayi indradhanushi rango ko saath mila diya ho,
aur usse kisi sundari ka chitran kiya ho,
Jab kucch kehta hu usse, bas haskar woh taal deti hai,
par uski woh muskurahat bhi kayi aur prashn le aati hai,
maano apne chakravyuh me woh mujhe aur uljhaati hai,
na to woh apsara hai, na to woh mrignayani,
na koi raagini hai, na to woh kaamini,
par phir bhi kucch to vishesh hai usme,kucch to hai alag,
ki jab woh raah se nahi guzarti,
kaano me uske kadmo ki aahat tab bhi gunjti hai,
uske intezaar me nazre tab bhi mudti hai,
na to koi rishta hai usse, na to koi vaada,
na koi tamanna hai, na koi iraada,
par phir bhi uske bina woh raah me kucch tanha sa lagta hai,
uske bina nazro ko kucch to suna sa lagta hai,
bas mera aur uska sirf nazro ka hi naata hai,
kya jaane yeh rishta kya kehlata hai!!!

I'm trying

They think I'm not trying,
BUt who are they to judge me,
to make remarks on my efforts,
cuz if there is one thing I have,
it is the passion, the intensity,
and I do not, cannot have fingers pointed,
at the very same things which I treasure,
So what if the results are missing?
so what if the answers are lost?
I am still cracking the questions,
still running the race,
though the finish line is far,
though the winners are already declared
I am not yet done
I have a lap still left in me,
though I'm trying to catch wind through a net,
though I'm trying to hit a star through a pebble,
the determination is there
the will is strong
All I need is for others to believe
That I'm trying... That I'm trying...

I'm not a regular kinda guy...

Some of you may be asking why have I been missing my weekly (or fortnightly when I am not in the mood or monthly if my Boss finds out that the reason I appear so busy on my laptop has something to do with blogspot) blog. If you have not asked so far, then please do. That is well within your rights as dutiful employees surfing on office time. Things have come to a point where one of my friends, Neeli has been sending me mail reminders every 3 days to make me update my blog.

Her last mail had these verbatim lines "If you do not update your blog in next couple of days, I am gonna make sure I visit you and make you watch tele replays of Akash Chopra bat…he he… in slow motion ...Buuu.. wuuu HahAHAHAHAHA”. Countless readers (i.e. 3) bombarded me incessantly, requesting me to write something if not at least a laundry list so that they could find something to read. But that for some unfortunate reasons could not be accomplished.

Ok, the fact is that I am not really a regular kind of guy. Mind you I am a regular guy, which is slightly different than being a regular kind of guy. Regular guys are the last ones to be picked when drawing cricket teams, they watch their dream beauties being swept away by cricket captains in college, they go Wooooow on every 4th girl that passes by them, their credit cards out perform their stock portfolios, when they start singing at a party the host goes, “Women and Children inside…quick” and so on. So I am pretty much a regular guy but have great problems keeping up with routine.

Routine and me never really agreed much. For one, keeping up with routine is like being Hitler’s mistress. You have to have strict discipline and really love it. I am sure that Eva Braun would have made a great humour columnist. But then she was German. Germans are God’s way of making fun condoms. They just won’t allow any humour to pass through them. Well so one never knows. For if I really had some discipline , I would have made a great Army officer where I could command parades every morning at 5 AM, shouting something absolutely unintelligible at the top of my voice , ( “PaaaaRRRAADDE, teeeeen kona teeen Aaaaaaddaaa..badega..Yeeeee... OOOoooo Badh”) …and then you blame the Airforce for crashing Mig 21s. Wouldn’t you do the same?

The second thing is this concept called Writer’s block. This is not just another fancy term to describe an author who is also a laxative model. A writer’s block is a debilitating condition. (NOTE: Ashwin Singh, if you are reading this, I repeat that Debilitating has nothing to do with titillating) Sometimes a writer can just sit by the desk the whole day and basically do nothing…..absolutely nothing...zilch…null….kosong. No one knows why this happens. Or if they did, they certainly forgot to write about it.

This block, indeed causes great irritation, especially to a few of my friends. But then, that’s just the way a writer’s block is. A constipation of ideas. As a writer, you have to have an idea to write about or at least a good internet connection to copy and paste complete passages from websites. Indeed there have been works where there has been no idea but just a lot many words. My examination papers for instance, but then, that is precisely the reason why I don’t gel my hair and move around in a Porsche. A car which is as great to drive as difficult it is to agree upon its pronunciation.

So for the past month, there was a confluence of these internecine phenomena which resulted in the prolonged absence of my blog. I am trying my best to get out of this situation but hey if it was as easy to get a thing by merely wanting to, then by now I should have been as excited as a 70 year virgin at the annual nymphomaniac seminar. But I am trying and I tell you, once that seminar gets underway, I will revert to my usual frequency.

Lage Raho Munnabhai

Some words which very aptly describe my life right now, picked from a bollywood movie, Lage Raho Munnabhai




Shaher ki es daud me daud ke karna kya hai?
Jab yehi jeena hai dosto to phir marna kya hai?
Paheli barish me train late hone ki fikr hai
Bhul gaye bhigte hue tahelna kya hai?
Serails ke kirdaaro ka saara haal hai malum
par maa ka haal puchhne ki fursat kise hai?
Ab ret pe nange pao tahelte kyu nahi?
108 hai chanel phir dil bahelte kyu nahi?
Internet ki duniya ke to touch me hai,
lekin pados me kon raheta hai jaante tak nahi.
Mobile, Landline sab ki bharmaar hai,
Lekin jigri dost tak pahuche aise taar kaha hai?
Kab dubte hue suraj ko dekha tha yaad hai?
Kab jaana tha shaam ka woh bananaa kya hai?
To Dosto Shaher ki es daud me daud ke karna kya hai
Jab yahi jeena hai to phir Marna kya hai?

- Jhanvi (Vidya Balan - Lage Raho Munnabhai)

Romance is in the air...

I know that I said this blog is going to be different and I am not going to write poems n all on this blog. But, as it is said "A Poem is never finished; only abandoned"... n I cannot abandon poems... So, just posting one of my poems here. The person for whom this is written needs to remember the day it is written very well... This is just a reminder to keep the memory refreshed of the day this was written...


Without a reason, why do I smile?
Why is life suddenly worthwhile?
Why does a song hum in my thoughts?
Why am I suddenly out of all knots?

Why do I miss you when you are there?
Why do I remember, why do I care?
We both have nothing to talk at all
Yet why do we wait for each other’s call?

Why does the moon now seem so bright?
Why do dreams now find me at night?
Why am I suddenly free of all pain?
Why does my heart dance again & again?

Why does everyone seem to be in bliss?
Why do I suddenly feel like this?
Why am I now on Cloud number nine?
Why does everything seem to be fine?

Why am I smiling against all odd?
Why does it seem like I am GOD?
Why do words float in my mind?
Why don't I want to now look behind?

I smell victory in every breath I take,
Why do all failures now seem to be fake?
Why does life gift me with glory?
Why do I feel I finally have a story?

Why don't you move away from my sight?
Why do I think of you even when I write?
Why did suddenly, my whole life change?
Why did this happen, isn’t it strange?

Why don’t I care about what others think?
Why do I stare at you without a blink?
Why is it that sometimes you don't say a word,
but all your feeling can still be heard?

Why can’t I express what I feel?
Why do I not know how to reveal?
Why is it that I am feeling so high?
Why am I asking all this, Why?

My Name is Shah... And I am not a chauvinist

CLARE BOOTHE LUCE once said: Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes." They will say, "Women don't have what it takes."
I was almost about to believe as well as support what she said when I read what another version of the entire story. An anonymous quote said “Feminism is the idea that women should be treated like children. Didn’t accomplish anything this time around, sweetheart? That’s okay. Give it another shot after we bend out of the rules. Scratch that. Feminism is the idea that women should be treated like spoiled children. Here, let us make it easy for you to achieve it, here is a red carpet, cuz you are a lady.”
I found both the versions very interesting, and being the diplomat that I am, I decided not to choose sides. Chauvinism or Feminism is an age old argument and will remain for times to come. However, I have always respected women as well as found them equally competitive, if not more, in all fields they wish to enter. Well, almost all.
There are some things which you are genetically handicapped to do. One such thing for women is driving. I know that it seems pretty hypocritical to come from a person who does not know driving himself. But, I have my strong reasons for such a statement. Off late, I have been commuting a lot via road (as there is no alternate transport mode in Surat). I have learnt that most of the accidents happening on road involve women in some or the other way. There are times when they apply brakes suddenly without any reason just cuz they realize they have forgotten to purchase a grocery, or even more common is the crash on turn cuz they could not judge.
Recently, I had the privilege to accompany a very pretty lady in her car on the streets of Surat. Being the driving illiterate that I am, I placed myself in the passenger’s seat. The beautiful lady took the wheel in her hands and we were driving down the streets of Surat. I was avoiding very detailed conversation with her cuz I realized that she must have taken her body language classes too seriously, specially the eye contact one. She used to almost turn sideways while talking to me. I showed my concern twice regarding the threat that prevailed if she took her eyes off the road. With silence prevailing between us, and the music playing in the background, we were moving in a bumper to bumper traffic. Suddenly, the cellphone of the lady rings and she reads the message sent to her. I would like to assume that the message must have been sent by her friend who was being chased by a rhino in some African sanctuary. What on the earth would otherwise be so important that she had to type back a reply while driving the car amidst the heavy traffic. Now, I do not know the exact sequence of sounds, but they went somewhat this way:
Type… Type… Type… Honk… Type… Accelerate… Brake… Honk… Type… Type… Type… Accelerate… Banggggggg… SHIT
The dent in the back door of Toyota Innova proved the point that the gorgeous lady who was accompanied by me definitely knew how to make long lasting impressions. I requested the lady, who had omitted to carry her license as she would have to port it around everywhere, to be seated in the car while I negotiated it out with the Innova Driver.
Now, the decision of me talking to the Innova driver instead of her was not thinking she will not be able to handle it. Nor was it with the feminist support attitude or with the opinion that I should help her as she cannot help herself. It was more because of her magnetism rather that the chauvinism or feminism. After a tough bargain (actually dictatorship at the other person’s end) and after losing a grand, I finally managed to settle it out. This is just one of the quite few cases that I know off and I have been a witness of, both directly as well as indirectly (through other people’s discussion).
Yet, I am not generalizing this Non-Driving Ability Syndrome to entire women community. I am just suggesting that next time you sit besides a girl in the car, wear your seatbelts and keep some cash handy if you wish to impress the lady like i did, if you dont wish to do so, she can handle herself well.

Dont try to support her, try to accompany her (Courtesy: Tum Bin: "Jaanta hu tumhe sahare ki zarurat nahi, main saath dene aaya hu)

So, in the end, I would just like to say that I have not had best of experiences sitting besides female drivers, but most of these experiences have resulted in very good turnouts finally. And all is well if the end is well.

My name is Shah... And I am not a chauvinist; nor a feminist...

The “customer”y events

After my last post about sales job in a financial sector, I guess most of you have built a perception that my job is the worst job possible, second only to that of Obama’s (obviously clearing the shit which others have pooped in a place which is stinking and filthy has to be the worst job). However, that is not the actual case. My job has its own “perks” too.

I don’t know if you earn enough to visit the high-brow places where a pianist plays on his organ even as you go ahead with your dinner. And even if you earn enough, I don’t know if such kind of places is your regular hangout. Mine isn’t. As G. K. Chesterton said “Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the pianist.” Perhaps that’s why I depend on my company’s largesse to take me to such places for sales meets and client events.

These client events, as hyped as they are, seem to be just another excuse to party out on company’s account which is not wrong after the “hard work” we put in for the franchise that we work for. Those of you who have attended such meetings/events can vouch for me when I say that all such meetings seem to have certain peculiar characteristics. These characteristics in itself are so strong that they form a very essential part of the meeting, more essential than the actual content and the purpose of the meeting. Some of them as observed by me are as follows:

ü The “Kenny G” Music: For those of you who are aware about the usage of a peculiar Music in various “cultural videos”, you would understand what I am referring to as Kenny G category of music. It is the kind of music which starts a particular category of video playback in your mind. This music is quintessential for such client events.

ü MS PowerPoint: The matter does not matter. What matters is that the matter is on the PowerPoint. The bigger the impression you wish to make, the lengthier, more complicated, with smaller fonted and with complicated graphs and diagrams you PowerPoint needs to be.

ü The starters: Most of the guests are more concerned with what is in the starters than who is the speaker. They are more interested in products on the menu than products of the offering via presentation. Thus, the most important reason for people arriving at the venue is largely misconceived to be the speaker, when as a matter of fact, it is the starter.

ü The “Barney” Syndrome: This is a perfect event for Barney Stinson (those who don’t know this character, what can I say… “GOOGLE”) to say “Suit up”. Every individual from the franchise is dressed at his/her best, as if the purpose of the event is to felicitate him/her with the Nobel Peace Prize. The tie has to perfectly blend with the shirt which needs to be properly tucked in the only pair of expensive trousers that you have which match perfectly with the blazer that you borrowed from your friend. It is in these events that you realize that the ever-abusing, competitive, pseudo-female who unfortunately is your colleague actually looks beautiful if she dresses up well.

Not only are the arrangements common across organizations, meetings, events and locations, but even the species of clients turning up are also similar. There are certain categories of client which definitely turn up at every event. Some of them are:

ü The Family Man: He is the only guy at the meet with his mother, two sisters and wife (and the neighbor’s kid who had never seen a five star hotel and thus wanted to come along). On bringing up the topic of the entire family being present in a casual conversation, he would reply, “Not my mistake, when you said ‘bring along your spouse’ I heard it as ‘bring along your house’.”

ü The Omniscient: These are the clients who are there to increase the knowledge of everyone present there, including the speaker and the panel of presenters. They have views, opinions and knowledge about every topic under the sun, and are very keen to impart the same to others. These are the clients who would stop the presenter in between his words to add on “I totally agree with your point. Also, looking at the article in the last month edition of Forbes magazine, the same point is reiterated when the writer shows where the economy will move.” The rest of the crowd just keeps on wondering what article is he referring to, and some even put a valiant effort next day to find that article only to realize that the article never existed.

ü The Question-mark: You would clearly know this kind if you have seen the character played by Paresh Rawal in the movie “Judaai”. These people are the kind who ask a question and then immediately start thinking about the next question without even caring about what the answer is. I know most of you would have images running in your mind with this description from your office or your college days. This specie of client will ask questions like “A beautiful looking scantily clad lady on NDTV Profit was mentioning in “Breakfast with Profit” that our economy is internal consumption driven. Why is this factor not considered while manufacturing the new brand of toothbrush that the company in which you have invested is selling?”

ü The Brochure demanders: These are the clients who do not wish to invest their money in your product, but just to make you feel good; they will approach you and demand a brochure of the product. They are sure they will not buy your product and you are sure too. The typical conversation which such client would be:

o Client: It’s a very good product. Brilliant Features

o Host: Thank you sir, it has been specially designed for our elite customers

o Client: Can you please provide me with the product brochure. I need to consult the same with my C.A., my family physician, my neighbor, the newspaper vendor, my son who studies in the US and possibly some aliens in Mars. I will get back to you on Monday

o Host: (after the client has left with the brochure) F#@* you loser

ü The Pinching Shoes: These are the clients who use your products, but always praise competitors. They will always tell you how your products are not good enough and how competitors are offering better quality, technology or price. You are thinking “why the hell do you use my product then?” They are the self proclaimed brand ambassadors of the competitors. A conversation with such client goes like this:

o Host: Sir, how did you find the product?

o Client: It’s ok. But the same product is being offered by your competitor since past 3 months. Infact their product is cheaper than this.

o Host: But sir, our product have blah blah blah features.

o Client: What are you going to do with blah blah blah. The competitors have crap crap shit features which are equally good for the price they are offering

o Host: Sir, nobody is putting money for crap crap shit anymore. Blah blah blah is really good.

o Client: (thinking in his mind) I don’t care which one is better. I have come for the free dinner

ü The “What am I doing here” clients: These are the clients who have no clue why they are invited at the event, what is the event about, what is the speaker talking about and why did he even think of coming at the event in the first place. They are the ones who are utterly disinterested and discomforted and wish or rather pray that the event be over very quickly.

ü The “Ray of Hope” Client: These are the very few clients who you think, if persuaded, will eventually buy your product. They are the reason for your partying out and cost of this party will be recovered from them. They are usually the ones whom the hosts tend to offer an extra plate of starter or the ones whom the hosts join during the session.

ü The easy-kills: Amidst the entire haystack of clients, these are the so called needles which you will find if you are lucky. They are the ones who are spot buyers; the ones who are really impressed about your product and are looking forward to buying them immediately.

IIf you have had the privilege of attending corporate client events like I have, you would be able to comprehend what I am trying to point at. Everyone in the organization knows what are client events organized for. So why not cut the crap and next time let us chill out in a disc at company’s expense so that we don’t have to put in such heroic efforts and go through all the pain just for dinner with music in a five star restaurant. After all, the company will same hefty amount of money by not feeding the 30-50 odd hungry clients. It’s a win-win situation. See, hiring MBAs have its own benefits; we provide such good solutions to the organization.