We have discussed the rules of men world in my previous blog. Here, I am trying to highlight 10 things about women that baffle men. These are the reasons it is so difficult to understand women!
Men will completely understand and agree to this. Women, take this is sporting spirit and do provide some answers if you can.
Well, here we go. 10 things that men dont understand about women.
1. The Pack of Wolves syndrome
This is the biggest mystery of all times. Why do women travel in packs to restroom? I always imagine a secret portal to another world from inside the washroom which requires 2 or more people. What else can explain this phenomenon?
For men, they don't even talk to best friends inside washroom. Peeing is personal. For women, even if you have met another girl just 15 mins back, you will invite her to the loo with you.
I mean seriously, what's the deal. You don't even need to hold anything for which you may need assistance.
This is as big a mystery as Bermuda Traingle or the Malaysian Plane.
Tip for Guys: With all the ladies gone to the restroom, this is the apt time to check out the "stock market" in the room; if you know what I mean.
2. National Sport of Bitching
You bitch about friends, family, colleagues, celebrities, heck you even bitch about strangers.
There is no reason to talk badly about a girl that you saw across the room, no reason at all. She is not trying to steal your friends, or your man, or your job, she’s doing her own thing. So, what do you do? Find something wrong with her to bitch about obviously.
And the funniest part is, when the bitching partners change, the bitcher becomes the bitched about.
Tip for guys: Do not get involved in these conversations. Unless your name is Tiger Shroff, and you are gay. But in such case, it is most likely that you are the topic of bitching. So, avoid anyways.
3. The need to change your guy
I have seen lot of my friends succumb to this. Don't drink naa Babu! Why do to have to wear that tshirt Jaanu? Let's go to that social gathering instead of meeting your friends, Sweetu.
If you are so obsessed with your choices alone, you might as well go and have a relationship with yourself. Your guy is not a dog and you do not need to potty-train him.
Tip for Guys: Next time she tells you to change the shirt, you tell her to do the same and pick up the one that she wore just yesterday. If you survive the nagging, you are home. Try this a couple of times to get rid of this pain forever.
4. Shopping is Doping
Shopping for guys:
Need a black shirt > Go to nearest mall and enter the shop nearest to entry point > Pick the first black shirt and get it billed
Shopping for girls:
Need a black shirt > Take your guy along as he needs to drive you there > Go to a random market with no parking > Like the first shirt you saw but do not buy > Check 11 more shops for collection > Purchase 2 pair of shoes and a handbag while your guy is still struggling for the parking space > come back and tell the guy that you need to go to other market (But I just got parking space; Damnit) > Go to the other market and by the exact same shirt you liked in shop 1
Tip for Guys: Find the nearest watering holes at all markets. Grab a drink n relax while the lady does shopping.
5. Am I looking fat in this?
You just bought that 2 weeks back. How big can you get in two weeks?
There's the mirror, if you think you are fat, you probably are.
Not just in this. You look fat is everything. Its not the dress; its you.
(Pause of 15 seconds) I don't think so
No you are looking the usual
No you are not (eyes on the tv)
All of the above are wrong answers. Seriously, why do girls ask this question. Do you think men are better judge of fashion that you? Look in the mirror and decide.
And by the way, you should have thought about this when you finished that cake which I was eyeing.
Tip for Guys: The answer is NO. ALWAYS. And it should be blurted out in 3.52 seconds of the completion of question. Thank me when this saves your life.
6. "Time of the month" Symptoms
I understand that women have difficult life and that those days of menstrual cycle are painful and irritating. However, what's with throwing all the tantrums on others? It's not like we are responsible for this. Neither can we do anything to stop it. So while we can understand it is difficult for you, it does not give you right to make it as difficult for us.
Tip for Guys: Keep Safe Distance. However, if you get caught on the wrong side, do the right thing. Remember, don't think about no action for 4 days; cuz if you do, there are high chances of no action for a long looong time.
7. The creep jerk binary
Oh! Look at that guy staring at me. Such a creep. That guy totally ignored us, he is such a jerk.
So any guy who smiles at you is a creep and who doesn't is a jerk. I understand the need to feel safe in a public place but not every guy who gives you a smile wants to rape you.
During my trip to Paris, I realized something important. It is ok to greet a stranger with a casual Good Morning. You can compliment a lady for her smile without sounding like a creep. People do take compliments at face-value without finding random meanings out of it.
Women in India need to definitely learn this.
Tip for Guys: Guys in India also need to learn this. Every woman who gives you a smile does not need to be described as "kya mast line de rahi hai!". Stop acting like a creep that the women think we are. Take the smile at its face value. The world is a better place if you do so.
8. Click me till you drop
Oh! we are having a sandwich. This is such a photo moment.
I am in a washroom? Selfie!!
Its the beach. Forget the sunset; click me.
Bhaisaab, ek photo lenge please.
Unbelievable self obsession! And what's more, there are just 3 standard poses. The duck-face selfie; the "Push bust in back and breasts in front" pic and the hand on the hip pose. You can change multiple backgrounds but the pose does not change. Why can't they just get 5 pics clicked and photoshop the backgrounds behind. Its Sasta, Sundar, Tikaao rasta.
Moreover, only clicking a snap is not enough. You need to show it to them and they will rate your photography skills. And there will be Re-Do. Again and again and again, till their eyes are open and hair is proper and neck is at 12.5° angle from the torso and the pulled-in breath in an attempt to look thin is not obvious.
Tip for Guys: If its a leisure trip, get high. That's the only thing which can give you strength to survive.
9. Ewwww, that's so dirty! Syndrome
Guys are very chivalrous. Hence, when in company of girls, they will try to put things subtly. There will be statements like "Check out 9 oclock", "Buns are hot", "Stop being a John Terry", " Be Ronaldo, go score".
What is the whole ewwwww deal? If you thought about some dirty meaning of those statements, it's you who is corrupt, not us. If you understand the meanings, either ignore or enjoy. But why ewwwww???
Tip for Guys: No matter how understanding your girl is, do not make direct statements. This euphemism is social protocol that you need to adhere to. Cuz anything you say or do can be used against you during a future argument.
10. Hostile Takeover Syndrome
The guy is peacefully sitting on the couch watching a football match. The girl comes in.
Whatcha watching? Real Madrid vs Barcelona
Oh, who is that? Bale
I did not know Christian Bale played football? That's Gareth Bale
Oh! Are they brothers? No
Well, has he acted in any movie. He can totally act in one. He looks pretty handsome. No he has not acted in any movie.
Who is winning? Its 0-0
So you are watching this since 20 mins and there is nothing happening? Lemme see what's on the other channels. You can keep checking the score in between.
Wha...How...Where....When did that happen???
And it's not just home. Ever seen at pub where four guys sitting at a table discussing something and suddenly a lady comes in? Whatcha boys talking about? And within 5 minutes, no one has a clue what they are talking about.
Tip for Guys: Confuse them. When they ask you whatcha doing, start explaining the complex game strategies and bore them to the point that they get up and leave. I know, I'm a genius
P.S.: Not all women fall into all of the above categories. I need to put this disclaimer to survive.
Men will completely understand and agree to this. Women, take this is sporting spirit and do provide some answers if you can.
Well, here we go. 10 things that men dont understand about women.
1. The Pack of Wolves syndrome
This is the biggest mystery of all times. Why do women travel in packs to restroom? I always imagine a secret portal to another world from inside the washroom which requires 2 or more people. What else can explain this phenomenon?
For men, they don't even talk to best friends inside washroom. Peeing is personal. For women, even if you have met another girl just 15 mins back, you will invite her to the loo with you.
I mean seriously, what's the deal. You don't even need to hold anything for which you may need assistance.
This is as big a mystery as Bermuda Traingle or the Malaysian Plane.
Tip for Guys: With all the ladies gone to the restroom, this is the apt time to check out the "stock market" in the room; if you know what I mean.
2. National Sport of Bitching
You bitch about friends, family, colleagues, celebrities, heck you even bitch about strangers.
There is no reason to talk badly about a girl that you saw across the room, no reason at all. She is not trying to steal your friends, or your man, or your job, she’s doing her own thing. So, what do you do? Find something wrong with her to bitch about obviously.
And the funniest part is, when the bitching partners change, the bitcher becomes the bitched about.
Tip for guys: Do not get involved in these conversations. Unless your name is Tiger Shroff, and you are gay. But in such case, it is most likely that you are the topic of bitching. So, avoid anyways.
3. The need to change your guy
I have seen lot of my friends succumb to this. Don't drink naa Babu! Why do to have to wear that tshirt Jaanu? Let's go to that social gathering instead of meeting your friends, Sweetu.
If you are so obsessed with your choices alone, you might as well go and have a relationship with yourself. Your guy is not a dog and you do not need to potty-train him.
Tip for Guys: Next time she tells you to change the shirt, you tell her to do the same and pick up the one that she wore just yesterday. If you survive the nagging, you are home. Try this a couple of times to get rid of this pain forever.
4. Shopping is Doping
Shopping for guys:
Need a black shirt > Go to nearest mall and enter the shop nearest to entry point > Pick the first black shirt and get it billed
Shopping for girls:
Need a black shirt > Take your guy along as he needs to drive you there > Go to a random market with no parking > Like the first shirt you saw but do not buy > Check 11 more shops for collection > Purchase 2 pair of shoes and a handbag while your guy is still struggling for the parking space > come back and tell the guy that you need to go to other market (But I just got parking space; Damnit) > Go to the other market and by the exact same shirt you liked in shop 1
Tip for Guys: Find the nearest watering holes at all markets. Grab a drink n relax while the lady does shopping.
5. Am I looking fat in this?
You just bought that 2 weeks back. How big can you get in two weeks?
There's the mirror, if you think you are fat, you probably are.
Not just in this. You look fat is everything. Its not the dress; its you.
(Pause of 15 seconds) I don't think so
No you are looking the usual
No you are not (eyes on the tv)
All of the above are wrong answers. Seriously, why do girls ask this question. Do you think men are better judge of fashion that you? Look in the mirror and decide.
And by the way, you should have thought about this when you finished that cake which I was eyeing.
Tip for Guys: The answer is NO. ALWAYS. And it should be blurted out in 3.52 seconds of the completion of question. Thank me when this saves your life.
6. "Time of the month" Symptoms
I understand that women have difficult life and that those days of menstrual cycle are painful and irritating. However, what's with throwing all the tantrums on others? It's not like we are responsible for this. Neither can we do anything to stop it. So while we can understand it is difficult for you, it does not give you right to make it as difficult for us.
Tip for Guys: Keep Safe Distance. However, if you get caught on the wrong side, do the right thing. Remember, don't think about no action for 4 days; cuz if you do, there are high chances of no action for a long looong time.
7. The creep jerk binary
Oh! Look at that guy staring at me. Such a creep. That guy totally ignored us, he is such a jerk.
So any guy who smiles at you is a creep and who doesn't is a jerk. I understand the need to feel safe in a public place but not every guy who gives you a smile wants to rape you.
During my trip to Paris, I realized something important. It is ok to greet a stranger with a casual Good Morning. You can compliment a lady for her smile without sounding like a creep. People do take compliments at face-value without finding random meanings out of it.
Women in India need to definitely learn this.
Tip for Guys: Guys in India also need to learn this. Every woman who gives you a smile does not need to be described as "kya mast line de rahi hai!". Stop acting like a creep that the women think we are. Take the smile at its face value. The world is a better place if you do so.
8. Click me till you drop
Oh! we are having a sandwich. This is such a photo moment.
I am in a washroom? Selfie!!
Its the beach. Forget the sunset; click me.
Bhaisaab, ek photo lenge please.
Unbelievable self obsession! And what's more, there are just 3 standard poses. The duck-face selfie; the "Push bust in back and breasts in front" pic and the hand on the hip pose. You can change multiple backgrounds but the pose does not change. Why can't they just get 5 pics clicked and photoshop the backgrounds behind. Its Sasta, Sundar, Tikaao rasta.
Moreover, only clicking a snap is not enough. You need to show it to them and they will rate your photography skills. And there will be Re-Do. Again and again and again, till their eyes are open and hair is proper and neck is at 12.5° angle from the torso and the pulled-in breath in an attempt to look thin is not obvious.
Tip for Guys: If its a leisure trip, get high. That's the only thing which can give you strength to survive.
9. Ewwww, that's so dirty! Syndrome
Guys are very chivalrous. Hence, when in company of girls, they will try to put things subtly. There will be statements like "Check out 9 oclock", "Buns are hot", "Stop being a John Terry", " Be Ronaldo, go score".
What is the whole ewwwww deal? If you thought about some dirty meaning of those statements, it's you who is corrupt, not us. If you understand the meanings, either ignore or enjoy. But why ewwwww???
Tip for Guys: No matter how understanding your girl is, do not make direct statements. This euphemism is social protocol that you need to adhere to. Cuz anything you say or do can be used against you during a future argument.
10. Hostile Takeover Syndrome
The guy is peacefully sitting on the couch watching a football match. The girl comes in.
Whatcha watching? Real Madrid vs Barcelona
Oh, who is that? Bale
I did not know Christian Bale played football? That's Gareth Bale
Oh! Are they brothers? No
Well, has he acted in any movie. He can totally act in one. He looks pretty handsome. No he has not acted in any movie.
Who is winning? Its 0-0
So you are watching this since 20 mins and there is nothing happening? Lemme see what's on the other channels. You can keep checking the score in between.
Wha...How...Where....When did that happen???
And it's not just home. Ever seen at pub where four guys sitting at a table discussing something and suddenly a lady comes in? Whatcha boys talking about? And within 5 minutes, no one has a clue what they are talking about.
Tip for Guys: Confuse them. When they ask you whatcha doing, start explaining the complex game strategies and bore them to the point that they get up and leave. I know, I'm a genius
P.S.: Not all women fall into all of the above categories. I need to put this disclaimer to survive.
I thought of replying to each one till halfway then lost interest! Anyway looks like you have a pretty stressed out thinking process... Chill and go have a beer :)
ReplyDeleteThis is precisely why I put that disclaimer in the end Surya. Would have loved that point by point reply though.
ReplyDeleteIt has got its humour....but if ur timing is wrong ...u might look at tip no 6 for ur own good :D
ReplyDeleteThat's the first thing you learn. To time things right.
DeleteWe are a cricketing nation. We know all about timing.
Thanks for thinking of the disclaimer you are so in for some good bashing. You better put it. I think we girls can be difficult at times but not so bad... trying to be sportive here. A Tip or two for guys stop ignoring, learn a thing or two about fashion, don't be so happy about meeting friends and so Saad about social gathering. Be inclusive have some diff conversation in between for a break other than soccer . :-)
ReplyDeleteTypical Point 3. Trying to change guys all the time...
DeleteAnd its not soccer; its football...