The Vaastu effect

The Taj Mahal, the greater wonder of the world, was built by the Mughal Emperor Shahjahan about 375 years ago or may be 364 years ago or 395 years ago, depending upon which Government entity do you verify it from. India’s landmark love monument has confusingly blurred birth certificate, with various government bodies not arriving at a consensus as to when was the structure created. (They could always check with Baa of KSBKBT).
Factually, it took approximately 17 years to built Taj Mahal but there was no Vaastu or Feng Shui used, with which Emperor Shah Jahan would have known that the minarets should have been made of Bamboo instead of Marble and should have faced north west direction and the dome should not have been in the centre but on the right most part of the structure to drive away the negative energy and also the tourists.
I say this because nowadays, one can hardly take a step without being exposed to the great knowledge fables of Feng Shui or Vaastu. Many people today are increasingly consulting Vaastu and Feng Shui to the point where people are ready to pluck out their thighbone (or some boneless parts of body too) and stick it in their eye sockets, as it is Vastu friendly.
My boss recently discovered that the business in my office is not growing as he is sitting under a beam and that goes against the principles of Feng Shui and because he faces a wall which goes against the principles of Vaastu. What he did in turn was to shift his entire cabin to a newer location to prosper the business. What it has done to my office business? Zilch... Nothing... Nil. I'm surprised how his scientifically calculated move after such great advisory could not have worked in the manner he expected it to. Maybe because he did not focus on business and focussed on Vaastu instead, but then who am I to suggest such stupid methods. After all, I'm no Vaastu or Feng Shui expert.
Amongst other things that are on my boss' priority list for better living are (Source: Confidential):
• Toilets should not be decorated (we got the office toilet decorated, just to see his control and meditation capacity)
• Metal objects should not hang on doors (we are planning to hang some on our cabin door, to avoid him entering from there)
• Wearing Yellow on Thursday (we're planning to keep a client event on Thursday specifically to see him in Yellow Suit or atleast tie)

Educated people are now talking about something called negative energy. To lend it credibility, they are using some scientific hocus focus. I am no Einstein (not even near considering the only Einsteinism I know is E=MC squared) but as per physics there is no such concept as negative energy. Kinetic energy= ½ M V squared will always be positive as mass, a scalar quantity and the square of a number are always positive, the same is the logic for E= M C squared (Yes I paid attention in school all you dumbos). But despite the scientific proof, people are ready to barter their common sense for the fear of the unknown. What perhaps would have been mere harmless indulgence, becomes a bit more risky when people are ready to ignore architectural concepts to include Feng Shui (" Can you make the columns elliptical and avoid using steel in the beams?")
Vaastu is a really good profession, it takes a few things as below:
• A rich, educated, fat salaried guy
• Some threatening about future problems
• Minor Knowledge about his current problems
• Some pseudo-scientific Hocus Focus like "negative energy" , " Gravitational pull", " Angle of incidence"
• A beard to scratch if possible (avoid if you are a woman)
• some dubious academic credentials (Doctorate in Architectural Science in Energy flow from University of Maldives)

Anyways, being the humble employee that I am, I have decided to remove all these beliefs from my Boss' head. How do I ensure to do it, you ask? I have a sureshot formulae.
I have tied a Bamboo hat on my head and sleep every night with my feet behind my head in a northwest direction. Should work!!! Any other suggestions??