Diet is for Losers!!!

To begin with, let me apologize for not torturing you with my smartass writeups for quite some time. I would want to blame it to lack of inspiration or to my busy schedule. However, I don't think any of you are interested to know the reason as long as you are spared from my article.

If you are thinking why the hell did I start writing again, you should blame it all on a friend whom I met today for dinner. He was discussing over the dinner that this was his last big meal. I was almost about to call up suicide helpline to assist him when he clarified that he was planning to go on an only fruit diet!!! Diet??? Isn't that the thing which brainless models and homosexual actors do? What happened to real men???

Nowadays there is a new revolution sweeping the slimmers of the world. This revolution is the No-Carbohydrates-all Protein diet which promises to take people who are fat enough to justify the premium sofa seats of movies and to turn them in to all muscle no fat no nonsense people, who would look like the Hritik Roshans and Kareena Kapoors of the world.

What has happened to all the people? Whatever happened to enjoying one’s meal, I will never know. In my hostel days, we never bothered about carbohydrates or phosphates or vertebrates. We just ate. Especially if the dinner was by my mom, who must have been convinced by some professional witchdoctors that any food that was visible on the dinner table after 9 PM must be emptied in my guts. If I had told my mom, that carbohydrates are bad for me, she would have laughed like a hysterical Lalita Pawar and would have still used a funnel against my mouth to tilt the table into. The point being meals were to be enjoyed for the taste. This diet concept would mean that you would have to have the Bun Maska without Maska, Butter chicken without butter and without chicken, Cheese Pakoda without Cheese and without the fried pakoda. Is that a life worth living?

Bollywood too has set some really unrealistic expectations of human pulchritude. I mean what's with the zero figure nonsense. Agreed the Chamakchallo song makes your mouth drool but I think the extra weighed Ohlaalaaaa by Vidya is the real thing. What happened to the old days when we had heroines like Rakhi, Asha Parekh and Mumtaz. I think Shammi Kapoors and Joy Mukherjees should have been honoured with Presidential gold medals, if not for anything than at least for cycling double seat uphill while humming songs, an activity which should be made mandatory for the Indian Cricket teams’ fitness trials. But gone are those days.

I am all for healthy eating but overdoing it is one thing. I am yet to meet a person who hates Ice cream or Rassogollas or Chocolates. The same goes for Rice or Chapatis. But since these are Carbohydrate based, our new age fitness freaks have given them the boot and survive on boiled vegetables and fruits which give them the happiness levels more than an orgasm. I strongly disagree with all this weird diet advice.

My theory is this; unlike A K Hangal (who I swear is around since 1639) and Baa from KSBKBT you have one life. Eat healthy, drink merrily and enjoy it. It is impossible to make your life perfect (though Sachin Tendulkar has come pretty close) or fool proof. So why make it worse? By all means eat healthy, vegetables etc but never forget the Beer.